It's not like I'm in love or anything
by CinnamonDragon1
Summary: Tari is just another regular oc protagonist from Kalos. She's also really powerful, and no, she's totally not in love with her rival. Because that would be stupid, right? Just because she thinks about that a lot doesn't really mean that she's in love- she really isn't. Okay, maybe a bit, but still! Involves canonxoc and POV changes because I am a sin. (UPDATE: I don't like this)
1. I'm not in love

_Tari_

* * *

I'm totally not in love with anyone and I never will be- boys are overrated in so many ways: who needs some stupid weak boy following you when you have pokemon? Especially strong and loyal pokemon like Garchomp and Rayquaza, pokemon that I've had since the beginning of my trip around Kalos. I don't need a boy to love. **Especially** my rival.

But why am I standing at the top of the stairs and looking blissfully at him? Isn't that something you do when you're in love with someone? Haha. I'm not looking at him- I'm just looking at the cerulean blue sky above him, the wispy white clouds in that sky, the expanse of safari behind the tropical palm trees that sway in this breeze, the low wooden fence that anyone could jump over, the wooden bench that has been placed in front of the fence, the boy next to it... No, not the boy. Not stupid weak Calem. **Anything** but him. I don't care about him at all; he's never come close to beating me in a battle. In fact, I'm probably one of the strongest trainers in Kalos. I've taken on the Elite Four countless times, and each time, I won. Even when I decide to bring my weakest pokemon and just that one, I still beat them all in under five minutes. Why should I care so much about stupid Calem? I've got better things to do. Like... Actually I don't know- I've done everything more than once. That still doesn't mean that the best thing to do is look at Calem. Because I'm totally not in love with him or anything.

So why am I here at this precise moment, thinking about this? Why can't I stop being around him? it's not like I can just walk away, hell no! My legs are stiff and my feet are stuck to the ground even though there's no glue or anything. Feelings? Haha, no! I don't love him or anything- I really don't! Just because I can't move away doesn't mean I'm in love! In fact, I can and I will move away- it just requires willpower! I exhale and say to myself:  
"Tari, just do it. It's not hard. After all, you're strong: come on now." The stiffness persists, so I repeat my phrase louder.

My waist is stiff. Fuck. And my hands feel itchy- oh Arceus, I am even more stuck than before. Panicking, I let out an even louder version of my new phrase. At this stage, I'm literally praying for anything to make this awkwardness go away- anything! I want to get away! I want these crazy thoughts about love to get the fuck out of my mind! This isn't how a strong trainer thinks! Now I'm trembling all over and I want someone to shoot me...  
"Please!" I scream, "Make this stop!"

"Tari?" a sweet gentle voice startles me.  
I realise that I was looking at my wet hands the whole time, so I raise my head...  
No. No no no. Anyone but you.  
"Hey, are you okay?" he asks, clearly concerned for my mental well-being  
Do I look okay to you?  
"It's okay, Tari, take your time."  
No, Calem, I will not take my time with you. But I do have to say **something;** after all, I don't want him to see me as a rude person.  
"I-I'm..." why is it so hard to talk to him?  
He takes my right hand in his own two hands... Damn, his hands are so soft... I don't deserve his kindness!  
"I-I don't deserve... your, uh, k-kindness!" I force out a rushed answer and flee, leaving all my tension behind.

My feet sting as I pound down the stairs of the platform and I lose all feeling of my legs as I run to the safety of the station, away from that cursed spot from which I panicked. All my surroundings are a blur; not even the Battle Maison is recognisable as I run to the station, where a train will take me back to Lumiose: back to the safety of my hotel room.

* * *

Later that day

* * *

I fall on top of my bed and breathe heavily as I regain my breath. I never want to go through that ever again! What even were those emotions, anyway? No, not love, not in a million years- even if I **was** that kind of person. There's absolutely no way I could ever love stupid Calem because he's weak as hell. No, I should stop thinking about him for the rest of the day. I stare at the decorative white ceiling above and remind myself how rich I am. There, that's a start. I'll also take a shower- I stink of sweat. Then, I will change into looser clothes, clothes that I wear to sleep. Then I'll say goodnight to all my pokemon and end the damn day. Easy enough. Then I can put that... moment... behind me. Yeah, Imma do that now.

I sit in the shower for an hour or so, watching the cold water cascade from the head of the shower and slide down my naked skin into the drain by my feet. Occasionally there's also soap, but mostly it's just water. I eventually get bored and declare myself clean so that I can get some clothes on and SLEEP.

I find my black t-shirt and red cotton shorts crumpled in the corner nearest to the TV and slip those on. Then I let out my pokemon, one by one (apart from Rayquaza because he's so damn huge) and kiss them goodnight.

"Goodnight Miltank." I say to my shiny Miltank.  
"Goodnight Raphael." I say to my Blastoise, Raphael.  
"Goodnight Umbreon." I say to my Umbreon. He rubs against my leg, begging me to let him sleep with me. Willingly, I let him. After all, I **am** really close to that little guy. He finds a spot on my bed and curls up. Smiling, I let out Garchomp, who is literally my best friend and squeeze him with all my love.  
"Night, Garchomp- alright, you can sleep with me tonight, but don't go on my bed!" He's headbutting me, so I have to let him sleep with me.  
Finally, there's my Dragonite. "Goodnight little lady, sleep well in that ball."  
I also wish Rayquaza a good night before getting into bed.

Do I love Calem? Hell no! It's not like I love him or anything, so therefore there's no need to even ask myself that. But why did I just do that? Why am I still thinking about that? I should sleep now. Sleep. Sle-

I'm gone for the night.


	2. I want to help

_Calem_

* * *

 _"I don't deserve your kindness..."_

 _"I don't deserve your kindness..."  
_

 _"I don't deserve your kindness..."_

 _Those were her words, spoken with great difficulty as she was overtaken by a very strong tension that was even stronger than her. And everyone knows how strong Tari is, especially in battle. Yes, I know most of that is because her team is so overpowered, but it's the bond she shares with those pokemon despite the majority of them coming from trades that makes her stand out from everyone else. Especially Garchomp: she might as well say that he was her starter and everyone who wasn't with her from the beginning would believe her right away; it's as if they are literally a part of each other, a beautiful occurrence that everyone should see. And the way she gets into battles is really something: the way she gracefully releases her chosen pokemon with a swift underarm throw; the clear and professional way she delivers her strategic commands, followed by her large grin as her partner pokemon lands a hit; the playful way she taunts her opponent and the way she rewards her partner with treats and hugs- you could say that she's the perfect girl. Well, for a lowly rival like me anyway, because most people shoot dirty looks in her direction. It saddens me deeply to see such a lovely person being bullied that way, especially Tari. However, she never seems to let that get in her way. I admire that confident part of her. Along with everything else._

 _I guess I should provide more context on her behalf, so I will. Ever since the beginning, Tari always sought after the greater things in life. In fact, when we got to Lumiose City for the first time (which to be honest was a really early point in our journey as trainers) she had already traded her Chespin for a Gabite that would later become her beloved Garchomp. She also had an Eevee in her party that would later evolve into her bulky Umbreon. She didn't need any other pokemon back then- she had her Gabite and her Eevee and that's all that mattered to her. Then she got her Blastoise who was stubborn at first, but then he warmed up to her, even though she didn't have enough badges to make him obey her every command. But then again, Tari never needed those badges; she always became so close to any newly received pokemon, regardless of their level._

 _Then before I knew it, she had already received her prized Rayquaza. That was when her gift with pokemon was truly revealed, for it turned out that she was a natural with legendary pokemon; that Rayquaza loves her so much that it literally lets her fly on its back, despite not knowing the actual move Fly. Nowadays, she has an entire team of legendaries stored somewhere in her PC, ready for her to use when she really wants to be the most powerful trainer. Though mostly she just uses Garchomp and Umbreon, saving her Miltank and her Blastoise as reserve pokemon and Rayquaza as an emergency backup, along with a random sixth pokemon that she hasn't actually decided on yet._

 _Then she beat the Elite Four in record time and went where nobody would find her. Those were the times I worried about her the most. What was she doing? Was she okay? Where was she? She eventually came back to Kalos, much to my relief and I immediately told her that I was in Kiloude City waiting to be reunited with her. She went there upon receiving my request and let me tell you: when I saw her, I felt like crying tears of joy and holding her in my arms, never letting her go. That's when I realised that I loved her, and that my love was permanent._

 _However, I know she won't accept me- she clearly sees me as just another weak trainer compared to her. I think the reason why so many people hate her is because she's extremely pretentious. That doesn't stop me from loving her though- she really is a nice person deep inside. She just doesn't show that side of her very often._

 _So when she broke down yesterday, obviously I was concerned for her- I wanted to help her, I wanted to protect her: I wanted to be there with her, because I'm not there for her enough. After all, that's what neighbors do, right? Help each other when they need it the most. And yet, at the same time, I saw a new side to her: a precious fragile flower. Okay, maybe a thorny flower, but still a flower that needs that little bit of love and support. Though I do think I_ was _being a bit too close to her. I should have considered her boundaries, her personal space. Tari's not known for being particularly close to people, so I really should have thought twice before holding her fragile trembling hand. Also I think I startled her._

 _Ah, I have a solution now: tomorrow, I will stay out of her presence in order to give her the space she needs to recover. I'll also give her a note so that she knows that I want to support her in every way- because she_ does _deserve my kindness, no matter what she says or thinks. She truly does, because I really do want the best for her and I will stop at nothing to make her happy._

* * *

I close my journal and recline on my chair, pondering over the situation. Where should I go tomorrow? No, I'll figure it out on the day. I'll also check over her from time to time, just to see If I'm actually helping or not.

I turn off my tablelamp and head to bed; I might as well call it a day now.


	3. A trip to the hairdressers

_Tari_

* * *

Here I am, standing in that precise spot again, but this time I'm fine- in fact I'm completely in control of myself. I move away from Calem and everything's fine. Then I feel rough scaly skin upon my forehead. And that's when I realise that it was only a dream, which really sucks because I really do want to be in full control- after all, I am officially classed as powerful.

"Garchomp," I groan in annoyance at my sudden interruption, "not now. It's... 6am. Yeah, 6am. Go back to sleep."  
I throw my white cover over my head, hoping to satisfy my desire to sleep for longer. Then I feel little heavy paws on my stomach, so I turn onto my side. I don't want Umbreon to wake me either. The pattering persists, making me groan even more.  
"Guys, it's 6am! Let me sleep." There. That should do the trick.  
"Garchomp!" Garchomp is clearly throwing a tantrum. Seriously though, it **is** 6am.  
"Garchomp, go look at the time and tell me it's not 6am- you won't be able to because it **is** 6am."  
I shouldn't have said that: Garchomp rips my cover off me and Umbreon brings me a clock. 11:30am. Fuck.

Giving in to my pokemon, I reluctantly roll out of bed and find my clothes. As I pull my tights on, I decide to go to the hairdressers; it's not like I can be bothered to brush my hair or anything: I just got up. Also I'm rich, therefore I can afford anything. Well, most things anyway. After that, I shall go to Kiloude City...

"Are you okay?"

"Take your time."

"Tari?"

Oh no. No no no. I can't go there. Calem's there. I'm going to panic again. Also I can't get his words out of my mind. This is bad- his voice, his presence; his scarily genuine concern for me. No. I can't go back. Hell no. But I know what to expect now, so I shouldn't be as bad as I was yesterday. After all, it's just him: weak ass Calem. I should stop thinking about him and just do it- I did it many times before so today shouldn't be any different. I shall make it obvious that I look down on him- I don't like him.  
But his hands... They were so soft though. Seriously, how are they so perfect? I look at my hands. No, mine are superior. But do they offer that tender warmth that Calem's hands offer? Well, obviously they do: I'm better than him. In fact, I should hold his so that I can show- no, that's what lovers do, and I am definitely not in love with him. Not in a million years.

Why am I still thinking about yesterday? A truly powerful trainer would leave little things like that behind. They also train weaker pokemon so that they become competitive champions. Come to think about it, Dragonite's too strong. After all, she did come from a lucky wonder trade. Also I already have Garchomp. I know- I'll take Mr Gardevoir out of my PC for a change. Also Kiloude's not that far from here. I really don't need Rayquaza at the moment. Might as well find a Ditto and train that up. Why not? They're not banned from tournaments or anything, and a well trained Ditto could potentially be a pain in the butt to any challengers. I mean, what if it transformed into that annoying Lopunny from last week? Yeah, Imma get myself a Ditto. Great times.

* * *

The hairdresser looks at my messy hair in horror. Her face cracks me up, so I laugh and tell her that she's a hairdresser, therefore she shouldn't be so disgusted. This annoys her a lot, but she untangles my hair anyway.  
"Honestly, darling," she sighs, "How does your mom cope with you?"  
"Mom?" I say, contorting my eyebrows in disgust, "Don't need her. Haven't visited in over five months and I'm absolutely fine."  
"Tari," she says, going into her I'm-an-adult-so-listen-to-my-serious-advice-because-I'm-in-charge mode, "it is so important to maintain a healthy family relationship; if you don't, that's going to have a negative impact on your future life and you'll end up regretting it so much. A mother is your best friend."  
I let out a loud laugh, making all the surrounding customers shoot dirty looks in my direction. I don't care though- after all, haters gonna hate.  
"Tari!" she says in her you-seriously-didn't-just-say-that-in-my-workplace-how-could-you mode "How can you be so disrespectful!"  
"But your reasoning is so ridiculous! My future's gonna be fabulous!"  
She stays silent for the next five-or-so minutes. In the meantime, I raise my eyebrows at my nearby haters and smugly shrug my shoulders.  
"Haters gonna hate. Ain't my problem." I whisper loudly to them. I'm pretty sure I annoyed them all now. Good- this is more like me..  
"You're done now Tari. Have a look and get out of my salon." the hairdresser finally says.

My hair is untangled and now it sticks out like it usually does. She also softened the bit of completely straight hair down my neck. I admire my charmingly scruffy short black hair and leave with an obnoxiously large spring in my step: just to further annoy everyone.

I start to go to the pokemon center, but then I decide to go to the one in Kiloude City. Because strength, you know: strength around **him** , I can prove to myself that I'm just fine and that yesterday was just a one off occasion. I nod my head in determination, and hire a taxi to the station because I am a lazy piece of shit.


	4. Garchomp's original discovery

The first thing I notice when I reach the top of those stairs is the fortunate absence of Calem. Thank Arceus he's not here- I've had enough of him. In fact, I shall celebrate by standing in his precious spot and see why the hell he likes that spot by the bench so much. I go there and all I can see is houses and trees- a shitty view for a shitty rival. Makes sense I guess. Maybe he thinks he owns the bench; well in that case, he sucks. Speaking of that bench, a small white glint flapping in the breeze catches my eye. I decide to investigate- after all, paper instead of Calem seems suspicious- not that I care whether anything happens to him or not: only someone who actually cares would care about that. I pick up the paper and hold it up to investigate. It's a note written in a very neat cursive way. This can't be for me, right? I decipher the text struggling a bit since I'm not used to such neat handwriting:

 _Tari, I have thought about you a lot recently- especially what happened to you yesterday.  
I have decided that you need plenty of space and time to recover, so I'm not in my usual  
area today. I will be here tomorrow, however, so there's no need to miss me. If you need  
me, I'll be around Kalos somewhere. It's going to be okay, trust me- we're neighbors after all.  
Seriously though, I genuinely want the best for you._

 _Best wishes, Calem_

Shit.

Oh god.

He actually really does care for me; he took his own time to write me that note. And he signed it with more than just an initial. Holy shit- his penmanship is on point as well. Why is he so perfect all of a sudden? First it's his hands, now it's his handwriting. And worst of all, I genuinely can't say that I'm better at writing than him. Seriously, If our roles were reversed, I would write a note like this:

 _Not here- somewhere else.  
T_

This doesn't mean I love him though- it's more like jealousy: I want to write like that, but I failed school, so that's kinda not possible. After all, I don't want anyone to know that I can't spell even if it was a life or death situation. Okay, I can spell **some** words, but that's about it.  
"I'm illiterate and proud." I say to nobody in particular. Okay, I can read, but I can't write well. Surely that counts towards illiteracy?

Anyway, the point is, Calem's not here, therefore I'm free to train Mr Gardevoir and catch the best Ditto without him interfering. And I can exercise for once in my life since I put Rayquaza in the PC and all. Experiencing a fresh sense of determination, I get my green bike out of my bag and cycle all the way to the Pokemon Village, where Dittos live: lovely little lilac blobs of joy. Ah, Dittos- just thinking about them is so calming. Literally: imagine a wide grassy expanse with no sounds except the happiness of many little lilac Dittos as they play and sleep and socialise and just have a good time. Basically a Flaafy meadow or a Miltank meadow but with Dittos. Of course, the best meadow would be a Garchomp meadow- Garchomps are so cool and powerful and yet they still know how to have a good time! Especially my one.

* * *

I'm now in the Pokemon Village and it smells like nature (as usual). This beautiful meadow with its flowery long grass just calls out to me. It says: "Tari, get your ass in that grass- there's Dittos to catch!" Damn right there are; there's also Mr Gardevoir, my Gardevoir that I actually bred from Diantha's gift Gardevoir myself- no wonder trading involved whatsoever. I'm proud of my Gardevoir- he has so much character even though I rarely take him out of my PC. Right from the beginning, he was always a bit sassy and he really wanted to be a Gallade, but I kept him as a Gardevoir so that he could keep his part-fairy typing, which is notorious for having an advantage to dragon types. Of course, this balances out my team, therefore Mr Gardevoir is the perfect pokemon to train- he's also around the same level as the Dittos around here.

"This is fine. So fine." I say as I let Mr Gardevoir and Garchomp out (just in case, you know).  
Mr Gardevoir opens his little mouth in awe as he takes in his surroundings.  
"Oh yeah," I say, "you haven't been here before, Mr Gardevoir. This is the Pokemon Village. Nice, huh?"  
He lets out a sound of approval as he continues to take in his surroundings. Garchomp, on the other hand, is restless; he wants to explore.  
"Alright, you can go off on your own. Have a good one."  
Garchomp nuzzles with delight and walks off towards the river. I watch as he hitches a ride on a Lapras and goes to the other side. Satisfied with his journey, I immediately go back to Ditto catching with Mr Gardevoir, who knows what his surroundings look like now.

The first Ditto's so happy and playful that I do not catch him. After all, why would I want to imprison such a happy little pokemon? Okay, maybe if it were a Chespin I would, but it's a little Ditto, so no. As I let this Ditto get on with what it was doing before, Garchomp comes running to me.  
"Garchomp! Garchomp! Garchomp!" he's being a little attention seeker, just like me sometimes.  
"What is it? You wanna show me something?"  
He smiles and nods enthusiastically, leading the way to whatever it is he's found.

Across the river on Raphael we go, showing Mr Gardevoir even more of his surroundings...

Then through long purple grass, where there are less Dittos...

To the thing Garchomp wants to show us: a big brown gazebo with an equally brown mat where Snorlaxes usually sleep. However, this one was empty.  
"Ah," I said, seeing the space, "you wanted to show Mr Gardevoir a place he can relax when he wants to?"  
But Garchomp shakes his head and points to the gazebo.  
"What is it?" I ask him as I take a closer look "There's nothing- oh god why would you show me that?" Suddenly, I am overtaken with a burning feeling from inside my body. It's coming back- yesterday's feeling. It's somewhat less intense but it's still there.  
"Garchomp..."

It's him. Calem. I thought I was free today, but I guess I'm wrong now.

"Garchomp, why?"

No. Not again. My body's going to be stuck and I'm going to panic.

"Garchomp, I..." I thought I could trust him. Seriously, doesn't he know- oh wait he didn't see what happened. Of course he doesn't know.

Now Mr Gardevoir's by his side, and that's when I realise he's asleep. At least he's not fully conscious. That's good, I guess. That means it's easier for me to put on my strong act and be near him without freaking out. Garchomp's looking in my direction, then at Mr Gardevoir and Calem, then me again. He wants me to go there with Mr Gardevoir and be strong. I raise my hands and go there, sweat starting to pour from my forehead with each step.

Mr Gardevoir turns to me and moves aside. He lets out a quiet sound of reassurance- clearly he senses my tension. I nod my head in understanding, bracing myself as I kneel down, next to Calem's outstretched arms and his relaxed hands. I decide to properly look at him for once: His slightly crooked fingers are curled towards his peaceful sleeping face; his slightly thin arms are spread on the floor towards me; his mouth is slightly open and I can hear the gentle rhythm of his breathing; his lips are presumably soft like his skin (I mean, it is Calem after all). His eyes are shut and his eyelids are fluttering ever so slightly; his black hair falls over a part of his face, covering his cheek. His shoulders are relaxed and his stomach gently rises and falls in time with his breathing; his legs are bent slightly and his slender pale feet are bare. I notice his boots by his bag, which is literally right next to me. In conclusion, he's beautiful when he's asleep. I'm sweating now; yet at the same time I have a warm feeling within. Warmth not heat- that's an improvement. I decide to run my fingers along his palms- just a bit. After all, he does have nice skin. I trace each individual line, caressing his smooth skin as I do so. Okay, maybe my skin isn't so superior after all- just like my writing. Crap: that's two things he's better at than me, having soft skin and perfect writing. Jealousy, not love.

I would stay with him for longer, but I'm not in love with him, so what's the point? After all, he's still the same weak rival as he usually is, despite his calming gentle beauty. Before I leave though, I find some paper in my bag and write him a little note. Short and simple, because why the hell would I write a proper one when I'm so bad at spelling and I don't love him.

 _Found you sleepyhead_

I place it by his boots and stand up. I turn to Garchomp and Mr Gardevoir and solemnly lower my head in gratitude. Especially to Garchomp. I owe him one.  
"Garchomp?" Garchomp seems to be asking me if I liked his present.  
"Yes. I surprisingly liked that- don't get any ideas though! I'm definitely not in love with him. Come on now, we can get a Ditto another time."  
We let Calem sleep and leave the Village, heading back to my hotel room.


	5. Like, dislike: petals off a flower

_Calem_

* * *

 _She should be okay now: I stayed away from her the whole day and gave her plenty of space to recover. Personally, I'm still recovering from yesterday's events myself because she was just... so hurt and scared. At first, I gave her space to get herself together, but when she started shaking, my gut instinct told me to hold her: to protect her. My brain, however, told me to stay back; after all, that's what you do when someone like Tari breaks down. Then she started screaming at herself and sweating- that's when I could not stop myself any longer. Heart racing, I rushed to her side. It only made things worse though: I disrespected her boundaries and startled her even more._

 _Even though she's probably a lot better now, I still regret my brash ignorance. That's probably why I went to the Pokemon Village all day; it's the perfect place for to forget your mistakes (not that you would have any of course). It's also isolated from the rest of the world, so it was perfect for me._

 _It's also perfect for Tari..._

 _Maybe she went there- that would explain the note that was so carefully placed by my shoes when I woke up from my sleep. How long was I like that for? Half an hour? More? Why am I even thinking about that when there's her note, presumably written in response to mine. Judging by the tone of the note, she's clearly a lot better. But at the same time, I feel like she's changing. I'm thinking like that because I know her as the kind of person who would've slapped me and woke me up just to tell me that she had found me. Her reaction today was different: today she gave_ me _space and time; the space to sleep and the time to notice her message. She's definitely changing as a person. She seems to be more respectful and nice, just like the Tari that I believed was hidden deep inside her- the loving Tari I dream of so often, the one who holds me in her strong sturdy arms and caresses my cheek with her long hands. The one who cares for me more than anyone else and smiles with me when I'm happy and comforts me when I'm crying and calms me down when I am angry: the Tari who is my friend and true love._

 _Maybe it will happen. Then again, why would it? She sees me as just another easy opponent- not anyone worth loving. But maybe there_ is _a slight hope. She didn't blame me for her problem yesterday, which clearly says something about her in the near future._

 _You're probably bored of hearing about my love for Tari; after all, you are the only one who listens to my inner thoughts because I trust you above anyone else, even if you are only a journal. Maybe I'll be able to share my thoughts with Tari, but for now, I'll entertain you by telling you what I did in the Pokemon Village- there's something else._

 _When I got there, I immediately removed my shoes and socks- it's always better to spend a day in a peaceful flowering field while barefoot, after all; there's more to feel, such as the verdant grass tickling at my ankles and the soft soil caressing the soles of my feet. Then I found a place to put my shoes and bag, making sure to place them as neatly as possible. After that, I decided to sit among some lilac flowers and take in my surroundings: a group of red-headed Fletchlings flew within the bright blue sky, the contrasting colours making that sky appear twice as clear; trees bearing leaves were sometimes dotted with fruit and bug-type pokemon; warm Furfrous sat under the shade provided by the trees; Rotoms played in green bins and Snorlaxes snoozed under shelters similar to the one under which I placed my belongings; flowery grass of many colours adorned the majority of the meadow, including the flowers I was sitting among._

 _When I was assisted with my surroundings, I went to the bank of the clear flowing river and rolled up my jeans so that I could put my feet in the water without having to leave my clothes to dry. The river was so clear that I could literally see the abundance of water-types living their daily peaceful lives. Some of them brushed against my toes, ticking me a bit. Again, I took in my surroundings._

 _That's when I noticed a little white daisy next to me. It reminded me of what you do when you want to know if someone you like likes you back. Tari... I thought about my love of her and decided to pull the petals. Yes, it's a bit immature, but I really wanted to know if there was a chance of her liking me- wouldn't you if you were in my position? I started with the first petal: love. Love that flew into the water and floated like a leaf on the water, touching my feet slightly. I raised my left foot and lifted the petal off my toes; it still had beads of transparent water on it.  
"Love." I released my words along with the petal into the spring breeze. "Is it true?"  
The petal of hate followed the petal of love. Feeling a bit hurt by the harshness of the word, I decided to rename them 'like' and 'dislike'. This devalued them, but at least she wouldn't hate me anymore.  
"Like."  
"Dislike."  
Methodically, I picked the petals on by one, watching as they either went into the breeze or the water.  
"Like."  
"Dislike."  
"Like."  
"Dislike."  
Soon, there were only three petals left:  
"She likes me." This one went over the river, towards the entrance of the Pokemon Village.  
"She dislikes me." This one just fell beside me, descending somewhat hesitantly to the ground. Already, I was beginning to smile.  
"Tari... She loves me." The deciding petal of love danced in the breeze, towards the shelter under which my belongings were placed._

 _I looked at my wavering reflection and couldn't stop the large grin that spread over my face.  
"She loves me!" I exclaimed to my reflection. Laughter came out of my mouth, quiet at first, but increasingly louder. Then I was laughing so much that I had to hold my belly and stretch my legs. You probably assume that I thought the whole flower thing was absolute trash, but I was actually laughing in sweet childish joy! She loves me! She really does! How could I not be happy? No, I was ecstatic!_

 _Eventually, I was too tired to be vocally joyful, so I headed back to my shelter, rolled down my jeans, and lay curled up on my side; my tiredness accompanied by my sweet thoughts of Tari's love would eventually lull me to sleep. When most of my body had slipped into sub-consciousness, I stretched my toes one last time and completely fell asleep._

 _I don't know how long I slept for, but when I woke up, I noticed a note by my shoes. Still half asleep, I propped myself up and picked up the note. It was clearly ripped out of a book of some sort, but with good intentions. In slightly rushed and messy handwriting, the note read:_

 _Found you sleepyhead_

 _The loving tone of the note reminded me of Mom during those precious times when the two of us are nestled on the sofa in our pajamas watching a movie; usually I would fall asleep on her warm chest and she would pause the movie and save it for another time. Then she would carry me up to my room and tuck me into bed, kissing me goodnight.  
"Goodnight, little sleepyhead Calem." She would whisper to me.  
If I was still half awake, I would respond with a "Goodnight, Mom. I love you."  
Of course, this would lead her to respond in a similar manner. And then I would completely fall asleep afterwards._

 _I knew it was Tari who wrote that note when I studied the first part of the note and compared it to the one I wrote to her._

 _I'll be around Kalos/ found you_

 _She knew I would be around so she found me. Smart. I guess that's another reason why I love her. Anyway, the point is, she wrote a loving note to me. Clearly she's recovered. Also she likes me- if she disliked me, she wouldn't have left that note._

 _I wonder what she has in store next? We'll find out tomorrow, when I see her again. For now, goodnight._

* * *

I open my top drawer to look at Tari's note again- just looking at it makes me smile, like when I pulled the final petal.  
"Calem? You still up?" Mom calls from the staircase.  
"Oh!" I don't usually stay up late, even when I'm not staying at home. "What's the time?"  
"It's 11:45. Haven't seen your light on at this time since, well, forever!"  
"I was just writing in my journal. Sorry if I stayed up late, Mom." I'm apologising to myself more than her- I don't like going to bed late.  
"No no, it's fine," She accepts my apology as she comes up the stairs, "here, let me tuck you into bed, sweetheart."  
She emerges from the staircase in her pink and grey Pikachu-themed pajamas, her soft shoulder-length brown hair loose for the night. Her feet are bare, like mine.  
"Do you want me to carry you tonight?" she asks me.  
I nod my head in consent. "Please do. I was just thinking about those moments when I sometimes fall asleep on you while we watch a movie on the sofa- you know, those moments when you carry me up in your warm arms."  
"Sure sleepyhead." She smiles as she lifts me off my chair and cradles my in her arms, my legs dangling in mid-air.  
Mom puts me inside my bed, drawing my blue duvet up to the top of my shoulders. I turn over so that I'm on my side facing her.  
"You know," I begin, "you're not the only person to call me 'sleepyhead'- Tari said that to me today when I fell asleep in the Pokemon Village this afternoon."  
"You like her, don't you?" Mom asks as she holds my left hand, circling my palm with her thumb.  
"Yeah." I say, my eyes starting to close.  
"That's good- she seems like a wonderful friend from what you've told me within the past few weeks."  
"Mm." I murmur in agreement.  
She kisses my forehead and lets go of my hand. "Goodnight little sleepyhead Calem. See you tomorrow."  
I catch sight of her going to her own bed and I watch as she turns my desk light off, making my room dark apart from the small bit of light coming from the staircase.

Tomorrow, Tari. Tomorrow I'll see you well and happy.


	6. Just friends

_Tari_

* * *

Yesterday was... Certainly eventful; I annoyed my haters at the hairdressers and didn't see why Calem likes that precious spot of his so much. But perhaps the most eventful thing of all was seeing him just there, in the Pokemon Village- asleep and peaceful. Also where I least expected him to go since his note said something about wanting to give me space; surely he should have figured that I like going to the Pokemon Village because there's nobody there and I can train pokemon there. Is he really that stupid? Yes, yes he is. Because of that, I'm definitely not in love with him. But back there I didn't feel any hate towards him- not even dislike! I held his damn hand for the love of arceus! And the worst part of that was that I actually liked caressing his soft hand and tracing the lines of his palms, like someone in love. I'm not in love! I'm just... Jealous. Yeah, I was also jealous of him; I touched him because I was jealous of his skin, not because I was in love. Also I wanted to be stronger than I was two days ago, because back then I wasn't able to stay still when I felt his hands hold mine to support me... Oh. To support me. He was asleep yesterday and the last time he saw me I was like that, all shaky and terrified...

This means he probably thinks I'm weak- hell no! I'm not having that! I've got to prove to him that I am still strong and that I will always be strong and that the event of two days ago was just a one-off occasion that he will never witness ever again: I've got to show him that I'm fine. And the only way to do that is to confront him and spit it out in his face. I've got it all pictured in my head as well: I march up to him and stare him in the eye. Then I take a step back and cross my arms, retaining a confident expression throughout. Then I inhale and say:  
"Calem, I'm not weak- you're the weak one."  
Then I turn back triumphantly on my heels and turn away from him, leaving him there with whatever dumbfounded look he wants to have on his face. Perfect. I shall do that as soon as I get to Kiloude City again.

Of course, I can't be certain that I'll be able to pull it off- not without some practice. So I let Garchomp out of his ball and tell him what I'm going to do. Then I tell him about my practice.  
"In order to make this truly happen..."  
Oh arceus, what hell am I about to put myself through? Bracing myself, I inhale a lot.  
"You're... Gonna have to act as Calem- why did I think this was a good idea? Why why why!" I feel heat run down my face and I cover it in shame.  
"Garchomp." Garchomp says in what I take as a willingness to do that thing I told him to.  
"You're actually serious?!" I say in astonishment as I lift my fingers from my eyes.  
"Garchomp." I see Garchomp nod his head.  
Well shit, my favourite pokemon's actually serious about this. Bracing myself yet again, I walk to the other side of my white hotel room. Already I feel that feeling from two days ago creep down my knees.  
"GARCHOMP I CAN'T DO THIS!" I suddenly find myself yelling in panic. He immediately rushes to my side and puts his claw on my shoulder. This calms me a bit.  
"Garchomp, I can't play around like this. I have to get this over with now- come on, let's go to that place."

We enter the station and ignore any nearby haters.

We board the train and look straight ahead (well, I do anyway).

We get off the train and head towards the exit.

We see the palm trees of Kiloude City and I sweat a bit.

"Garchomp," I turn to Garchomp, "we're here."

* * *

I clench my fists as I walk up the stairs and look straight ahead. Garchomp's not here because I wanted to do this myself. Instead, he's chilling in the Battle Maison, doing whatever a Garchomp does there on its own. I start to repeat a mantra in my head: "I am stronger than he thinks. I am stronger than he thinks."  
I can do this; it's turning out to be way easier than it originally seemed and I start to wonder why I was so stressed about it before. Confidence comes naturally to me- in fact, I'm there now and all I have left to do is to look up and stare at Calem. I inhale and exhale for good luck and then I look up.

He's over a metre away. Shit. Why didn't I go up to him?  
"Fuck, this is bad!" I whisper to myself perhaps a bit too loudly because here he comes.  
"Tari! You're back!" He says happily, almost as if he actually missed me. Stupid Calem, so weak he depends on me.  
"You actually missed me?" I use my thoughts as a reply so that my lips don't get that fuzzy feeling of not knowing what to say and looking like a rude freak.  
He seems taken aback, "Why wouldn't I? You're both my neighbor and my friend. Of course I would miss you?"  
"Friend?!" The way he addresses me shocks me into saying what I planned as well as some other things. "Since when were we friends? Calem, I'm not weak- you're the weak one."  
"Oh..." He sounds slightly hurt by this since his voice sounds quieter and slightly croaky- as if he was about to cry. "If that's how you feel... I'll..."  
What have I done? Why did I add more to my plan? Now he's emotionally hurt and probably sees me as a bad person- that's not what I want to be seen as! I gulp as I come up with something to make him feel better: holding him and apologising, something a lover would do. Unfortunately, it's the only way I can think of, so I have to do it.  
"I'll just leave and... go home... I mean, if you really hate me that much..." it's worse now- I look into his grey eyes, dulled by sadness and slightly wet.  
"It's okay... I-I." He tries to smile but his lips are trembling and it's not long before the first tears begin to fall.

I can't take it anymore; I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly, hopefully subduing his tears. He's shaking all over and he's trying to put his arms around me but he just can't keep them in place. Then there's his crying that's turned into loud heavy sobbing. Some haters come over to investigate and I tell them to piss off and leave fragile Calem alone.  
"Tari." His voice is really hoarse and broken. "I'm so-" he chokes on a sob and I rub his back to help him finish his sentence. "sorry!" He's burying himself inside me and I've never felt so protective towards him in my whole entire life.  
"I-I'm annoying! I'm weak and- and-" more sobbing gets in the way of his sentence.  
I need to say something back- something positive. Where do I begin? Well, he's certainly more fragile than I remember him as; almost like a young child. That's it, I shall say what a mother would say- hopefully.  
"Shhh." I say as gently as I can. "It's okay- you're safe now."  
He holds me tighter and sobs harder than ever into my chest. The worst thing is, I made him cry; instead of showing him that I'm fine and reassuring him, I used my strength to hurt him. I didn't mean for this to happen at all! At least I can say that I'm definitely not in love with him because if I did I wouldn't make him cry. Now I have to apologise for all this.  
"Calem, please hear me out." I begin. He lifts his head and tries to look okay but his eyes are are constant flow of tears that stain his soft skin and form droplets on his chin. He's gone really red as well and his hair sticks to his face in thin strands; the bright redness of his face clashes with his black hair and his eyes are puffy as hell. Overall he's a mess.  
"What I said back then... I didn't think my actions through and I'm really truly sorry." I don't think I've ever talked so gently before in my entire life.  
"No... I un-understand! Why would you like me?! All this time I've just been in your way and you hate me and-and..." his loud wail trails off into smaller sobs that shake him as he lets them out. "I'm useless and stupid and all I do is lose battles and just stay in one place..." sobbing interval. "Then I call you my friend and suck up to you- I'm wrong!" another one. "I never thought about your feelings- I always just assumed everything was happy but it's not! My perfect friendship is nothing but a stupid childish fantasy! And I never even thought about it! I'm stupid! Stupid stupid stupid!" Now he's screaming at himself and muffling his cries inside my chest, just above my breasts rather than inside them because he's modest and not perverted like some guys.

That's not true! Sure, I don't love him, but I definitely don't hate him! Come to think of it, he really **is** the only friend I have apart from my pokemon. He's nice to me when no-one else is and he's so fair towards me in battle. Also he was concerned for me two days ago and he tried to help me yesterday. He left a note and let me touch him while he was sleeping. Only a friend would do that all for me without ever being mean to me. Perhaps I do like him- not in **that** way of course but in a thankful way. I can't let him be so harsh on himself, so I stroke his head and smooth his damp hair out while shushing him quietly. His muffled screams ring through my ears and that's when I realise how much our friendship truly means to him. Maybe he's like me where I'm his only friend apart from his pokemon. Or maybe I'm his only friend altogether since his pokemon never seem to interact with him outside of battle. But why? Surely he should have more friends. Clearly he doesn't consider Shauna and that lot as real friends, so maybe he... I don't know about that one. But maybe he's socially awkward since he's usually alone. Nah, I really don't know. All I know is that he sees me as a close friend but he never asked for my opinion before, so when I said that we were never friends to begin with, he must have taken it extremely personally and that's why he's crying so much. Maybe his sensitivity is the thing that kept him from making real friends? He probably chose me as a friend because I'm a way better trainer than the other lot. Also we have similar views of what makes a good trainer and we're not afraid to look the enemy in the eye and bring justice to everyone. Okay, maybe Calem's a bit scared but he certainly hides that well. I don't really see any other reasons as to why he chose me but it's clearly important to him.

He stops screaming and now he's a lot quieter- in fact, I can't even hear him cry anymore. All I can feel are his hot tears and his shaking body. His silence offers a great chance for me to continue apologising.  
"Calem, I didn't mean what I said about our friendship. All I came here for was to tell you that I was okay and that I wasn't feeling like I was two days ago. But then that slipped out of my mouth and I didn't think about it at all. We **are** friends and we always will be. There's no need to cry, Calem, I'm here for you until the day I die. And before you say anything, you're not annoying or weak or stupid; you're strong and smart and nice to be around. I'm sure you have wonderful dreams about our friendship and they're relevant and important. Also none of this is your fault- it's mine. Most importantly... I like you more than any other person- but not as much as Garchomp obviously. Please. There's no need to cry anymore. **I've got you. And I'm never gonna leave you when you need me. Even if there was money involved.** It's okay. Calem it's okay. There's no need to cry. Oh, Calem..."  
He lets go of me and gently pushes me away. He wipes his eyes with his fists and looks at me. He's still crying, but he's smiling a small sad smile.  
"Tari..." he says, his cracked voice barely above a whisper. "I'm glad you're okay- I look like I've been crying a lot, don't I?"  
"Calem, you're still crying as a matter of fact."  
"Oh!" the look of surprise that appears on his red tear-stained face is kinda cute. "I can't go home alone like this!"  
I take out my phone. 2:45pm. It's a bit early for him to be going home but after what he's been through I understand why he **would** want to go home so early.  
"I can go with you if you want me to." I offer my help to him: my friend.  
"Yes please." He bows his head down, clearly wanting to hide his tears.  
"Okay then. I just have to get Garchomp out of the Battle Maison and then we'll go, yeah?"  
"Mm." He nods in agreement.  
"Come on, let's go." I say as I link my arm around his.

* * *

"So," I say to him as we take a break on a bench in Santalune City "do you like your home then?"  
"Uh huh!" he says happily while staring into the distance, his tears no longer falling.  
"You live with your mom and dad, right? Do you like your family?"  
Calem sighs, "Just Mom. Dad's travelling. Even though me and Mom are miles away from Dad, we still think about each other daily and we love each other dearly. I'm really close to Mom though."  
"Nice, nice." I reply. "So what do you and your mom do together?"  
"We talk and watch movies and play games when it rains. Sometimes when I'm scared of the thunder during the night, she lets me sleep in her bed with her- I'm afraid of thunderstorms by the way; I don't mind lightning but when there's thunder I get really scared and..."  
"Scream? Cry? Panic?" I try to finish his sentence, wondering what happens.  
"Usually all three. Yeah, I don't look it, but I'm really sensitive and that's why I cried so much earlier. Sorry about that- I'm working on it though!" he smiles and closes his eyes as he does so. His skin crinkles around his eyelids and his tooth-baring grin is so childish and cute.  
"At least you're trying!" I smile back in a similar manner. "What are you trying for, anyway?"  
"Dad. When he comes back, I want to be more mature and happy. Just as I promised him all those years ago..."  
"Right." I say, my expression back to normal. "Can I ask when he's coming back, or do you not know?"  
"He said he would come back this year on my birthday, which is on the fifteenth of November- when's yours by the way? As friends, we should know when our birthdays are."  
His birthday's ages away, so I don't have to worry about that yet. "Sixth of June. That's not long from now."  
"Oh! I have to do something for you then! Is there anything you want?"  
I've never been asked that question before! Let's see? Ah, I don't know! I tell him this and his cute surprised look is back.  
"Really? Okay, it shall be a surprise, my dear friend."  
I look at the time: 3:55pm. "Calem, we should get going now- come on, I'll walk with you!"

I drop him off at his door and knock on it for him because I'm in such a generous mood. A woman with a kind face and light brown hair tied in a side braid opens the door and greets us merrily.  
"Calem! You brought Tari over! Hello guys! How was your day- Tari, do you want to come in with Calem?"  
I look at his mom and watch as Calem joins her on the doorstep, now barefoot and smiling. The atmosphere is really warm and comforting and I kinda do want to stay for a bit. But I have a hotel to go to, so I refuse her offer.  
"That's a shame- maybe next time then. Bye Tari!"  
Calem rushes out to hug me and I'm so startled by his sudden affectionate gesture that I fall back. We land on the floor in a heap, a tangle of faces and hands and arms and bodies and legs and feet.  
"Woah there! Easy with the hugs, okay Calem?" I say, gasping for breath.  
"Sorry!" He says laughing, dusting his clothes and making sure no dirt went on his feet as he stood up again. "I'll be more careful next time, Tari! And thank you so much!"  
"It's cool." I said. "Bye."  
"Bye!" Calem says with his mom. They both wave as I leave and they eventually close the door.

What a nice family, I think to myself as I get my bike out and cycle to Lumiose.


	7. Weakness

_Calem_

* * *

 _What am I doing with myself at the moment?_

 _I'm at home at 4:15pm while sitting on the sofa in my living room in pajamas writing in my journal. I haven't even had dinner and I'm already writing. I haven't done this since I was 10, but now I need to do it again- just without the pain of Dad leaving. No. Tari's love is the reason why I'm here; she offered love and patience as soon as she watched me break down. Okay, I can't jump to the conclusion that it was certainly love, but it was nice. The way she reached for me and held me... Even though I was so overcome with tears that I couldn't control my hands she still held on. Actually that's probably why she held me so firmly; I'm pretty sure she would have let go if I could control myself. Or is it? Ever since the day she lost control over herself she's changed from being a diva who would simply laugh at my presence to someone who notices me and respects me. First, it was the note. Now it's the comfort she gives when I need it (like today for instance). Yes, she's definitely changed for the better. And she's officially my friend now._

 _I don't know if I should tell Mom first; I did cry a lot and I still want her consolation that she always gave me five years ago when I cried at Dad's departure. And the consolation she gave me when I cried after watching a preschooler get bullied- several times over the past few years. And the time I cried when I fell into a puddle- last year. And the time I cried when I burnt toast- 3 months ago. And that one time I cried over a pebble- two weeks ago. Yeah, I've probably cried more than anyone else my age and that's always going to be the case. I mean, I do hide my emotions well around other people outside of home, but when I'm home, I just let everything get to me- even toast. I've always been like this- even before Dad left and I don't know why; it's just that as soon as something gets to my head my emotions overtake me and I struggle to stay calm. That's one of the many reasons why I generally stay away from other people and why I really don't have a lot of friends. Ha. 'Calm'. That's what my name is supposed to mean and yet I barely live up to it. I bet deep down that's why Dad left: because I'm a sensitive crying mess. And I don't even think that's the right word to describe myself. But Mom... Oh Mom, I know you genuinely love me despite this weakness of mine. Because you know that I can fight this by being strong, selfless and compassionate towards others. And whenever I lose hope, you remind me that it's still there._

 _And your embrace, oh your loving parental embrace. The warmth you provide within those strong loving arms... The same as Tari's! That shared sense of safety and love, it was definitely there when she held me. Therefore that's why I calmed down. And that's what a lot of people don't see_ _in Tari: her tender maternal instinct._

 _I'll tell you what happened first instead of Mom, alright? I cried again. But it wasn't over something small like a dumb pebble or some stupid toast. No, this was actually something very big that I actually believed for a moment but then it turned out to be me overreacting. It all started when Tari returned to Kiloude City; we hadn't seen each other there for over a day so obviously I was happy to be truly reunited with her. I expressed my happiness and told her I missed her. However, she still seemed to be a bit stressed from the events of that day and she snapped at me. It was her words that hurt me though: "Since when were we friends?" "You're the weak one."_

 _Ever since I first met her I saw a friend in her, and as we improved as trainers, I always considered her as more of a friend than anyone else. perhaps it was our individuality that we had in common which started it. I wanted to get to know her better but she would always brush me away- either that or I would excuse myself and leave to "train to her level" when really I would sit alone and imagine how we would officially be friends. At first it was a small thing, but as our journey continued I was so used to thinking about my imaginary friendship that I tricked myself into thinking it was real. And when she left, my thoughts were at their strongest. This ultimately led to my love for her (as well as watching her of course) because I once imagined us on a date and that led beyond friendship. It was only natural for me to refer to her as my friend when she came to talk to me today. But clearly our friendship was the last thing on her mind and... we never actually said we were friends before. That's why she got mad at my fantasy 'friendship'. And my weakness? After all I did for her she still called me weak... All that fantasising- weakness! Only a hopeless idiot like me would fantasise. Of course I'm weak. Although she does accept our friendship and although she does genuinely care for me, she probably still considers me as weak. As a trainer and a person. Tari did say she didn't deserve my kindness, but it's the other way round: I don't deserve_ her _kindness. After all, if Mom's offered it to me for my whole life and I'm still weak, I definitely don't deserve it from Tari. I'm useless and I never improve; I cry over nothing and I can't even make friends properly! I bet the only reason why Tari said she accepted me as a friend is because she takes pity on me. Pity... There's no way I'll ever be the quiet, mature and fair Calem she knows from our time together; not after today- or ever! She cares for me which means she'll see who I really am. I don't deserve her anymore and I shouldn't love her!  
_

* * *

My trembling hands can't hold the pen anymore; it falls and leaves a mark below my entry which is followed by the water from my tears. As they hit the paper, they expand and blur my words slightly. Now I'm crying over my own words: weak! That's so weak! I cover my face in humiliation. I cried two hours ago! Why must I cry again? And now I can feel my body convulse just as it did back then.  
"No..." I try to stop myself but instead I start sobbing. I hear Mom's footsteps as she rushes to my side and the despair in her voice as she calls my name.  
"Calem! Baby! It's okay!" She's here with her familiar words. "Mommy's here!"  
I don't even try to go into her arms this time- I've done it so many times before and it doesn't make a difference.  
"Calem..." she whispers as puts her hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I'm here now. It's gonna be okay."  
I shake my head and I wail as I look into her patient golden eyes. "No..." I want to tell her how I feel about myself and that it's never going to be okay but I can't so I let her continue.  
"Hey," She's on our sofa now and she's crawling towards me, placing her warm hand on my cheek. "it won't be okay if you doubt it. So take your time now- it might seem hard, but just convince yourself that it's going to be okay and it will be okay."  
"No! That's why I'm crying!" I yell. "I'm tired of pretending I'm strong when I'm not! I'm weak and I always will be!" I feel her take her hand off me in surprise and worry.  
"Calem. Look at me." her voice takes a firm tone that I'm not used to when I'm like this. She wipes the tears from my eyes and lies back, taking me with her as she lifts me from beneath my arms. "There, that's good."  
She's still lifting me so that she can get a good view of my face which is probably really ugly right now. "Now listen to me: I love you more than anything else in the world and the one thing I will never accept is you saying that you're weak because you're not- here, I'll take you into my room so we can be more comfortable."

She carries me into her room and lets me sit on her bed. I lie across it and stare at the ceiling. Mom sits next to me and takes me into her arms. "See? More comfort in here- you can go under the covers if you want and have a little sleep."  
"No- Mommy? Ca-can I?" I only refer to Mom as 'Mommy' when I'm in this mood or just before I'm in this mood. It's my special way of telling her that I need her to comfort me and console me because I want to tell her what happened but at the same time I need to cry and I want it to be between us only.  
Mom gives a warm sound of approval and I try to tell her something. "T-this is the second t-time!"  
"Deep breaths, Calem. The second time of what?"  
"O-of crying!" I'm crying so much that it's literally the same as when I was with Tari.  
"And where did you cry first?"  
"Kiloude City- with Tari."  
"What made you cry that time?"  
"S-she got mad... Said we weren't friends and-"  
"Did she mean that?" Mom seems taken aback. After all, I've always told her positive things about Tari.  
"No."  
"Good. What did she do when you cried?"  
"She... Oh Mommy, she held me like you hold me! She let me cry and she apologised. Then she... Then she said she valued me! And she took me home when I asked."  
"So it's no big deal then if you guys sorted it out. How about now? I saw you cry over your journal first, so you don't have to tell me details if you wrote them there."  
I go quiet at the mention of my journal. I've got to tell her though- I don't like being alone anymore. "I pretend too much..."  
"Is that it?"  
"Yeah. That's why I'm so weak."  
She smiles at me and takes my hand in hers. "It's good that you imagine! Just be careful of what you think and don't let the negative things get to your head, okay sweetheart? Hey, you should hang out with Tari a lot more- it seems to help you a lot. And keep writing: you need to see your thoughts on paper. Oh- maybe invite her over? She did drop you off today so maybe you can do stuff together here. She's always welcome by the way."

Mom squeezes me and ruffles my hair, making me smile a bit. I've stopped crying and now I want to sleep. I tell her what I want to do and she smile as she picks me up and puts me right in the middle of her bed- with pillows and all.  
"I'll heat up your food for later then. Sweet dreams Calem. See you soon."  
I watch as she closes her door and nestle into her covers. "Am I really weak if Mom and Tari care so much about me? I don't think so." I whisper to myself before falling asleep again. Just as I always do when I finish my daily journal entry.


End file.
